i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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