I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
