Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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