Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
