I just cut my nipple shaving
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
