he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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