You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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