One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
