I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
