i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
