So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
