i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
