Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
