Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
