if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's never too late to be topless.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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