Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
