i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
