I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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