he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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