watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
