headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
