You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
