Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
