You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
