actually, I'm a sock model
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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