Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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