after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
