she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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