and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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