if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
