so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
