I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're like the curious george of whores
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
