I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
