mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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