I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
