I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
