My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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