laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
