I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
