she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
