I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
