...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
