i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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