Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
