everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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