Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My life is pants optional.
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