First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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