you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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