I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
