So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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